|
Bush's New Year Resolutions for 2003 Transcribed from recording dated: 12/31/02 Well, lesssee, here, yes, I do need some resolutions, don't I? Just saying I need to cut down on cheese burgers doesn't seem to cut it with reporters. What am I doing for world peace, they ask me? Well, OK, here are my resolutions: First, the darn economy: people think I can somehow wave a magic wand and make the dang thing better. I wish I could. I see all my friends suffering, they say the stock market lost a whopping 25% from the S&M index, what does S&M stand for anyway, sounds like a 4-letter word to me. (hyuk, hyuk) OK, ok, seriously, I am going to cut taxes, that should make it easier on my friends at least. The tax that they have to pay is simply too much -- we should be free as Americans not to pay so much tax, free to buy a mansion or a yacht if we want. Of course, we will increase the deficit, but what of that. We Americans are used to taking loans and being in debt, after all. So, why make a big deal about the deficit, just think of it as the country's mortgage. Oh yeah, then the corporate taxes, corporations shouldn't be taxed, isn't it enough that people get taxed, what's the point of this double taxation. We need our corporations to be healthy and spur the economy forward, so I am going to propose that we not only cut those taxes, we give them a boost, a little something from the government, like a New Year's gift, yeah, that's it. Oh, also, give them a little breathing room, corporations are basically decent, so give them some free rein to do drilling, or foresting, or things like that. All this talk of the environment is just nonsense, the environment can take care of itself just fine, thank you very much. Second, I am going to do something about our national security. Americans shouldn't go about worrying. I worry about where we're going to get gas for cars and exercise our god-given right to drive around the country. You see, people often miss this fine point, but our national security is our energy security which is based on oil, right. So, we'll take over Iraq and get rid of that dog Saddam in the process. He's been yapping at our heels for too long anyway. So, OK, if we do off him, and take over Iraq, those fanatic muslims may get mad at us, may even try to hurt us in some way, even on our soil. But we have to grit our teeth and bear it -- we have to be willing to take a few hundred or even a few thousand or so people dying for the sake of our energy security. Third, I am going to improve human values. You know, through support of faith-based organizations. Of course, this only applies to the Christian ones, wouldn't want to support the Islamic ones and have money going to the terrorists, would we. No sir, we're talking only about the ones that do make a difference. There you have it folks, that's enough thinking for me for a whole month I'd say. Have a great 2003! |