A Texas Bedtime Story

9pm, August 15, 2002
Crawford, Texas

I was just laying in bed reading Ann Coulter's latest book when I started thinking about Iraq. There was some program I had seen on TV earlier that had disturbed me. I turned to George and prodded him. He was snoring gently. Briefs that he had meant to read lay forgotten on his chest, his reading glasses still on his nose.

"George, hon." I moved the papers and his glasses.

He snorted and woke up. "Uh, yes, hon."

"George, I've been thinking about Iraq. Are we doing the right thing going in like this?"

"Now, what you doin' thinking about all that now! Of course, we're doin' the right thing, hon. Everyone but Colin thinks so."

"Apparently, the rest of the world thinks it is like an invasion, goin' in without any provocation."

George waved his hand as if swatting a fly and smiled at me. I am still a sucker for his charming, boyish smile, I thought.

"People will say all kinds of things, hon. Pay no attention to them. The man's a menace and we need to get rid of him."

"But then, aren't there others too, who are menaces. I've heard you say how you'd like to put out Putin"

George smirked, then burst out laughing. "Put out, Putin. I do come up with good ones, don't I? Now, Laura don't you go repeating that. Dick warned me about that one. Although he did crack a smile when I sprung it on him."

He continued. "Sure, we'd like to off others as well, but we can't. But, here's Saddam, and he's a sitting duck."

"If he's a sitting duck, why's he a danger to us?"

"Damn it, Laura, you ask too many questions. OK, see, the thing of it is this. Dick explained it to me. This is just a front, see. The real reason is we're sick and tired of the Saudis pulling all the strings, just cause they have the oil. We take over Iraq, and we have oil now. Afghanistan, we'll use for oil later, the pipeline and all. But Iraq's oil is now. And lots of it. We can do whatever we want in the middle east then."

"Oh, that's clever. I knew there was a good reason."

"You bet! These boys don't mess around. No, sirree. "

He frowned. "Oh, just remembered. Dick said I should read these briefs, but damn, they're so boring." He put on his glasses and picked up the papers.

"George, one more thing. What do we do after we invade Iraq? The man on the TV said there could be problems with Arab people getting mad at us."

George turned around, and peered at me over his glasses. He smiled at me again.

"Got that covered too, hon. Sharon explained that to me. This "Arab street" thing, it's all hyped up. He's got it all figured out. See, if you want to colonize the Arabs, it's real easy. You just needle them when they start talking peace. Blow a few buildings, visit a mosque, somethin' like that. Then sooner or later, they're going to go bonkers, just like Osama did and do crazy bad things. Then you blame the entire people. That way, whatever you do to them, your poll numbers are always good cause your people don't like the Arabs and can't relate to them. He said he was just perfecting what the British did: somethin' about "mutiply and conquer", or may've been "divide and conquer". Have to ask Tony Blair about that. He's always talking history to me.

"That Sharon! He's a handful, isn't he. He's such a charmer too, couldn't stop saying how much he loved my cookies."

"Sure he does, there's a reason he looks like doughboy." George smacked my thigh and guffawed.

I thought about what George had said. "But hon, if we keep rilin' up the Arabs, won't we have more Osamas, more terrorism, more of us dying."

"Yeah, sure, there's going to be some of that, hon. That's the price to pay. But see, I think whatever we do, they're going to go nuts. Something about the religion I think. They're just savages. I mean is there a single Arab country worth livin' in. Their poverty, their Bertha, or whatever it is they make their women wear. They're just strange people and going nowhere I tell you. And it is like a disease, their religion. Now black people are getting into it too. In our own cities. That's why they're becoming savages too, with all the killin' and lootin'. And you know what, if they were stopped from voting against me in Florida because Jeb made them out to be felons, serves 'em right, I say. They may as well be felons the way they act."

George had gotten up and had started pacing up and down. "Now you got me all worked up, Laura".

"Oh, George, I love it when you get like this. Why don't you come to bed and make love to me."

"Alright, hon, lemme pop some Viagra."

"Aw, you don't need it, hon. Just think of Saddam's fat face in your sights and squeezing that trigger."

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